The Story of Peg Leg
There once was a sea captain who had a peg for a leg. Despite this handicap, he was tireless at his station. The newer members of his crew were amazed, for whenever they woke up and went up on deck, the captain was already there! He stood scanning the horizon, standing in his usual place, right where he had been standing when they went below the night before. They marveled for several days, until one plucky cabin-boy worked up the courage to ask the captain how he managed this amazing feat.
“Well, here’s the thing,” said the captain. “Right where I’m standing, there’s a hole in the floorboards, and truth be told, me peg leg is stuck fast, and won’t be moved. So here I stand, both day and night.”
“Wow,” said the cabin-boy, “so how do you sleep?”
“I sleep on my one good foot, and with my one good eye open,” replied the captain.
“Wow,” said the cabin-boy, “so how do you eat and drink?”
“I drink the sea spray, and snatch birds from the sky for my meals,” replied the captain, shifting restlessly on his one good foot and scowling at the boy.
The cabin boy had one more question. “Um, ok, so how do you, you know...piss and shite?”
“That be a tale for another time,” grumbled the captain. “Ask me something else.”
After a long, thoughtful pause, the boy asked, “How long have you been standing there?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” growled the captain. Then his expression softened. “You see, lad, I have been standing here since long before I was the captain of this ship. The previous captain grew tired of the sea, and retired to Nantucket, and left the job to me.
“How long was it after you came aboard, that you got stuck?” asked the cabin-boy.
“When did I say that?” asked the captain. “In plain fact I’ve been standing on this spot since long before this board was a part of this ship. I’m actually an actuary whose house was salvaged and sold to a shipyard. The shipwrights thought it would be funny to set this board right here in the deck, so here I stand.”
“Oh,” said the cabin-boy with wonder. “So you originally got your peg leg stuck in the hole when you were in your house?”
“When did I say that?” Roared the captain, glaring at the cabin-boy.
“So, well, so, it was before the board was in your house? Was it when the board was at the lumber mill?”
“Before that, before all that bother,” shuddered the captain.
A light dawned on the cabin-boy’s face. “Ah, so you got your leg stuck back when the board was still a tree in the forest?”
“When did I say that?!” shouted the captain. “What does it matter how the peg came to be stuck in the wood?! It was stuck when I found it, and I needed a leg, so here I stand.”